Mother’s Day is a week from today. My husband keeps asking me what I want. I was in a “mood” a few days ago and just looked at him and yelled, “I want to be seen! I want to be appreciated!” Now, I have been known to be overly dramatic, but I think moments like this sometimes help uncover deep feelings that we often tuck away.
So, while a spa day, fancy jewelry, and a nice new purse or something would be great, here are 7 things I really want for Mother’s Day.
1. I Want Silence
Why did nobody tell me that as soon as this child was born it would never be quiet again? Like, for real. Sometimes when I’m alone in my car without music, the silence physically hurts my ears because I’m so unaccustomed to it. Children are loud from the time they are born. Now, maybe you’ve had great sleepers, or content babies (I’ve had neither as I’ve outlined here), but if you have not, I see you, momma. I see you, dad.
One of my favorite parenting posts of all time is this one by Steve Wiens. I’ve googled it countless times to send to friends. Why is it my favorite? Because it’s real. It talks about how they desperately wanted children (like we did), but also how freaking hard it is.
2. I Want to Poop Alone
If I am in the bathroom and the door is closed and locked, that means I do not want you to come in. I know that’s sort of a nuanced thing that leaves room for confusion, but let me repeat it. If the door is locked, I DO NOT want you to come in. Before you cringe, we all know, Everyone Poops.
You are too weak to pick up a LEGO minifigure, but you can bang the door with such force that I’m actually worried it’s going to leave a dent. That is some selective strength right there.
Dads have the markets cornered on pooping in peace. They leave and after about 40 minutes, we realize they are STILL in there. Dads, teach us your ways.
3. I Want to Be Appreciated
In a fit of woman-scorned rage last weekend, I sat down and typed out a list of everything I do around this house. It ended up being 3 pages, single spaced. (“Eighteen pages FRONT AND BACK! – Friends reference)
Do I want to walk around tooting my own horn? No. Do I want a red carpet rolled out when I wake up each morning? No. What I do want is acknowledgement that, “Man, babe, we wouldn’t last 2 days without you. Thank for everything you do around here.”
It’s such a Circle of Life. I have complained to my mom countless times, and she knows exactly what I’m talking about. You know why? Because she went though it, too, and I didn’t thank her! I didn’t get it. I just thought toilet paper, OTC meds, toothpaste, food, trash bags, etc. magically appeared.
Moms are the glue that hold the house together. Dads often take on other burdens like the stress of financially providing for a family, but moms take on a crushing mental load that Dads don’t often experience. I know there are all different types of families and everyone is different, so don’t @ me, bro.
4. I Want to Be Seen
This is kin to the last point about being appreciated, but I also want to be seen, really seen. Look me in the eyes and ask how I’m doing. If I’ve been working my butt off at the gym, notice. If you can tell that I’ve really been trying to be patient with the kids lately, comment on it. Motherhood is hard and sometimes I’m doing the best I can to not end up on the nightly news, OK.
5. I Want to Not Plan or Think
I wasn’t aware that in order to be a mother, I should have first received a degree in event planning and coordination. Managing a household calendar is almost a full-time job! Kids these days never go to a full week of school either. It’s early release this day, off this day, field trip this day — it’s bonkers.
Do not ask me what time I want to eat dinner on Mother’s Day. Please don’t ask me what dish “we” should bring. #dontcare I basically want to exist and only exist – like Bran so far in season 8 of Game of Thrones.
6. I Want Connection
You know those times when you’re all piled up on the bed reading a good story or watching a funny family show on Netflix? Everyone is getting along, loving each other, caring for each other, and spending quality time together? Yep, that’s the good stuff. Basically, I’d like a Hallmark commercial moment this Mother’s Day.
7. I Want Flowers and Ice Cream
Now down to the meat and potatoes. I want flowers…really pretty, beautiful, bright, bold flowers; not dyed daisies. I also want ice cream…good ice cream. Let’s be honest, I did not cultivate this figure by eating diet ice cream, okay. Bonus points if it has pecans, caramel, or is Ben & Jerry’s The Tonight Dough.
I See You, Momma
Can you relate? Has motherhood made you feel unseen and unappreciated? Are you tired and worn out? I see you, momma. I am ten years into my marriage and we have two kids. Up until recently, we’ve both worked full-time, too. Life is crazy, busy, stressful, and hard. Even the most amazing, well-meaning families can get caught up in the stuff of life that we forget about connection. Here’s a gentle reminder.
I’ll raise my mug of lukewarm coffee to you, cheers, I see you momma.