Read It & Reap With Me

Literacy, Motherhood, Sarcasm

honest motherhood

Motherhood Is: The Truth about Motherhood

By 1 Comment

Mother — it’s a title that I so desperately longed for, prayed for, cried over, and begged God to give me. While my journey to motherhood wasn’t particularly tragic or long in comparison to the journey of others, it felt long and hard to me while I was going through it. Each month that I didn’t end up pregnant, I wanted to punch everyone in the face who *was* pregnant. And if you had kids and you complained about them? Well, there was a special place in hell for you, my friend. (Can you imagine how fun I was to be around back then?)

Fast forward almost 8 years. I have a beautiful, strong-willed, smart, caring daughter and a rough-and-tumble, yet tender son. I love these two little humans with every fiber of my being, but WOW, the title of Mother is not what I thought it would be.

Motherhood is…a Blessing

We all head into motherhood thinking it can’t be as hard as everyone makes it out to be. They’re just kids after all. I prayed for this, remember? God BLESSED us. Yes, yes He did.

My enneagram 6 self so desperately wants to protect myself and anyone I love from pain and loss. I want to have all my ducks in a row, make the world a better place, be creative, kind, and caring. I was going to be that mom, you guys. I envisioned myself doing all kinds of fun crafts, baking muffins (healthy, but also delicious, of course), going on fun-little picnics, and listening intently when my child was talking to me. I am totally that mom….1.8% of the time.

Motherhood is…a Mixed Bag

Motherhood is complicated, isn’t it? It’s a mixed bag of emotions. One minute you’re staring at your child wondering how they got so big and trying to soak in every moment that it almost brings you to tears. Imagine a record scratch sound effect when the other sibling yells down, “MOM, THE DOG POOPED IN MY ROOM!”

You can’t wait for them to go to bed and stop touching you, talking to you, and needing you. But one day all-too-soon, they’ll be grown up and gone and you’ll miss these days. Right now, though, you’re exhausted. So very tired.

I’ve always been a very black and white person. It was either this or that. There was no gray. With the grace of God, and some shit that went down in the church I called home my entire life, God has opened my eyes little by little over the years and has shown me that there is a lot more gray that I ever wanted to acknowledge. So, when motherhood is amazing and also the worst thing in the world, my brain can’t comprehend it. It’s like an error screen pops up and is like, “umm, how can this be awesome and suck at the same time?” That just comes with the gig.

Motherhood is…Non-Stop

I’ve always been a working mom. Notice how I didn’t say a “work-outside-the-home mom” here? Yeah, it’s because deep down inside, I prided myself in my work. I knew stay-at-home moms had tough jobs, but it was like, “Yeah, but they don’t WORK like I do.”

This summer I had the opportunity to stay at home with my kids. I went into this summer with all of these amazing plans and dreams of how I was going to be present and kind and patient. We were going to have so much fun while being budget conscious and create the world’s best memories.

So, why did my kids spend 75% of everyday complaining and the other 25% of the day asking for snacks? HELLO, offspring, your MOM is here for you! Why are you not falling at my feet in adoration? This is now how this was supposed to be? This shit is hard!

You need coffee to survive this craziness, but coffee makes you poop, but if you go poop, somebody is going to hit somebody and a Hunger Games-esque fight will ensue. You can’t win.

Needless to say, I ate a lot of humble pie this summer.

Motherhood is…Important Work

I find the physical and mental part of motherhood exhausting, but then you add in the emotional and spiritual and by the end of the day, you just want to crawl into the bed and zone out on Instagram for an hour. While you scroll, you think to yourself, “Am I being too hard on them? Am I not being hard enough? Am I stimulating their minds adequately? Am I raising good humans? Should I let my kid say butthole? Is organic food really that much better? And if it is, how do I fit that into the budget?”

When you think about it, we are raising the next congressmen, leaders, doctors, teachers, lawyers, and most importantly bakers and chefs — the ones who will give us the food. That’s also a lot of pressure, right? I want to raise one of the aforementioned things and not the US’s most prominent female prison gang leader.

Motherhood is such important work. So why does the pay suck, the vacation time non-existent, the working conditions poor, and the hours long AF? How the heck is anybody supposed to be good at this important job when you have to hold in a poo for 7 hours?

You’re Doing Great, Mama

If you’re still reading this, and you’ve nodded your head along with me a few times, I see you. I get it. Motherhood is almost never how we pictured it in our heads. Everyone warned us and told us, but you can’t hear it until you’re there. Motherhood is exhausting, wonderful, amazing, hard, lonely, frustrating, and tireless, but it’s a gift. Next time you feel like you’re not exactly nailing it, just remember, you’re doing the best you can. And that’s all we can ask of anyone.

 

 

 

7 Things I Want for Mother’s Day

By 1 Comment

Mother’s Day is a week from today. My husband keeps asking me what I want. I was in a “mood” a few days ago and just looked at him and yelled, “I want to be seen! I want to be appreciated!” Now, I have been known to be overly dramatic, but I think moments like this sometimes help uncover deep feelings that we often tuck away.

So, while a spa day, fancy jewelry, and a nice new purse or something would be great, here are 7 things I really want for Mother’s Day.

1. I Want Silence

Why did nobody tell me that as soon as this child was born it would never be quiet again? Like, for real. Sometimes when I’m alone in my car without music, the silence physically hurts my ears because I’m so unaccustomed to it. Children are loud from the time they are born. Now, maybe you’ve had great sleepers, or content babies (I’ve had neither as I’ve outlined here), but if you have not, I see you, momma. I see you, dad.

One of my favorite parenting posts of all time is this one by Steve Wiens. I’ve googled it countless times to send to friends. Why is it my favorite? Because it’s real. It talks about how they desperately wanted children (like we did), but also how freaking hard it is.

2. I Want to Poop Alone

If I am in the bathroom and the door is closed and locked, that means I do not want you to come in. I know that’s sort of a nuanced thing that leaves room for confusion, but let me repeat it. If the door is locked, I DO NOT want you to come in. Before you cringe, we all know, Everyone Poops.

You are too weak to pick up a LEGO minifigure, but you can bang the door with such force that I’m actually worried it’s going to leave a dent. That is some selective strength right there.

Dads have the markets cornered on pooping in peace. They leave and after about 40 minutes, we realize they are STILL in there. Dads, teach us your ways.

3. I Want to Be Appreciated

In a fit of woman-scorned rage last weekend, I sat down and typed out a list of everything I do around this house. It ended up being 3 pages, single spaced. (“Eighteen pages FRONT AND BACK! – Friends reference)

Do I want to walk around tooting my own horn? No. Do I want a red carpet rolled out when I wake up each morning? No. What I do want is acknowledgement that, “Man, babe, we wouldn’t last 2 days without you. Thank for everything you do around here.”

It’s such a Circle of Life. I have complained to my mom countless times, and she knows exactly what I’m talking about. You know why? Because she went though it, too, and I didn’t thank her! I didn’t get it. I just thought toilet paper, OTC meds, toothpaste, food, trash bags, etc. magically appeared.

Moms are the glue that hold the house together. Dads often take on other burdens like the stress of financially providing for a family, but moms take on a crushing mental load that Dads don’t often experience. I know there are all different types of families and everyone is different, so don’t @ me, bro.

4. I Want to Be Seen

This is kin to the last point about being appreciated, but I also want to be seen, really seen. Look me in the eyes and ask how I’m doing. If I’ve been working my butt off at the gym, notice. If you can tell that I’ve really been trying to be patient with the kids lately, comment on it. Motherhood is hard and sometimes I’m doing the best I can to not end up on the nightly news, OK.

5. I Want to Not Plan or Think

I wasn’t aware that in order to be a mother, I should have first received a degree in event planning and coordination. Managing a household calendar is almost a full-time job! Kids these days never go to a full week of school either. It’s early release this day, off this day, field trip this day — it’s bonkers.

Do not ask me what time I want to eat dinner on Mother’s Day. Please don’t ask me what dish “we” should bring. #dontcare I basically want to exist and only exist – like Bran so far in season 8 of Game of Thrones.

6. I Want Connection

You know those times when you’re all piled up on the bed reading a good story or watching a funny family show on Netflix? Everyone is getting along, loving each other, caring for each other, and spending quality time together? Yep, that’s the good stuff. Basically, I’d like a Hallmark commercial moment this Mother’s Day.

7. I Want Flowers and Ice Cream

Now down to the meat and potatoes. I want flowers…really pretty, beautiful, bright, bold flowers; not dyed daisies. I also want ice cream…good ice cream. Let’s be honest, I did not cultivate this figure by eating diet ice cream, okay. Bonus points if it has pecans, caramel, or is Ben & Jerry’s The Tonight Dough.

I See You, Momma

Can you relate? Has motherhood made you feel unseen and unappreciated? Are you tired and worn out? I see you, momma. I am ten years into my marriage and we have two kids. Up until recently, we’ve both worked full-time, too. Life is crazy, busy, stressful, and hard. Even the most amazing, well-meaning families can get caught up in the stuff of life that we forget about connection.  Here’s a gentle reminder.

I’ll raise my mug of lukewarm coffee to you, cheers, I see you momma.